Archive: Author: Holden Madagame

Open Love Letter

Posted on by Holden Madagame

Dear You,

At the expense of seemly naïve or foolish, I needed to let you know, that I think you’re amazing. You’re so beautiful, but you don’t even realize the ways that you’re most beautiful. You go around walking/riding/driving/running/swimming with all of these worries and insecurities about your body or your brains, but weirdly enough, I like those things about you, even if you don’t. I like the color of your skin, the shape of your hands, and the tone of your voice. I like your butt, your nervous tick, and your laugh.

“I don’t want you to like that about me,” you say? Well, bad luck, Chuck. People will like you, even if you don’t like yourself, I’m sorry to say.

Not to say I like everything about you, so don’t get scared. Sometimes I get really annoyed with you, but even then, I love you. Completely. That things I find annoying are what make you different from me, him, her, them, or zir. There are enough people in the world who collectively love the entirety of you, because you’re beautiful.

Sometimes when I think about you, I can’t even breathe, because I can’t believe you even exist. You really shouldn’t exist. Neither should I. But now we’re here, and we have all of these things we love and hate, and things that we would die for, and things we couldn’t care less about. We have so many conversations, but with so many thoughts in our heads, it’s a wonder that we can speak at all!

You’re amazing, I’ll have you know.

With all the love in my heart,
Heidi

Thoughts on Marriage Equality

Posted on by Holden Madagame

Yesterday the internet exploded with the news that the ban on gay marriage was lifted in Michigan (my home state). That means that marriage was legal for same-sex couples.

This morning I woke up to the news that an asshole Attorney General filed a request for the order to be appealed. This means that everyone who got gay-married in Michigan yesterday is now in legal limbo.

Predictably, this gave me a lot of feelings.

Being in Berlin right now, I’m physically very far away from these problems. Germany doesn’t have full marriage rights, but has recognition of partnerships. Especially in Berlin, being queer is just easy. In fact, if you’re living in Berlin, and you’re queer, chances are you found out that Berlin is one of the gayest cities in Europe. The economy is one of the best in the world, and everyone has health insurance. Education is cheap, food is cheap, and public transportation is efficient. I’m happy and healthy (apart from a cold I’m nursing right now), and I do as I please.

Despite all of that though, I wish I could be in Michigan at this very moment to fight what’s happening. I want to talk to people, change their minds, change their preconceptions, allow them to see that marriage equality will not hurt them. I almost feel that I have betrayed my queer community by taking an easy way out. When I was in Ann Arbor, I had a radio show about sex, sexuality, and gender, and every week I spent long hours in Prod A of WCBN editing my 30-minute chunk of radio, all the while thinking, “I hope someone listens to this who has never even heard the term ‘queer’ before.”

Does that mean I’m going to move back to Michigan right now? Definitely not. But I do feel like I’m missing out on an important part of my own history. I thought, “Maybe in 10 years the ban will be lifted,” but now it’s here. My friends and family have the chance to be treated like equal citizens in at least some capacity.

Something worth noting, is that I don’t have any desire to get married. At this time in my life, I don’t see myself getting married or having kids. For me, marriage equality is 100% about the rights that people have, and the choice to exercise those rights. Simply the absence of those rights makes me and any queer friends a second class citizen. OK, you hear that phrase a lot, right? Here’s what it actually means.

Second-class citizen:
“A second-class citizen is a person who is systematically discriminated against within a state or other political jurisdiction, despite their nominal status as a citizen or legal resident there. While not necessarily slaves, outlaws or criminals, second-class citizens have limited legal rights, civil rights and socioeconomic opportunities, and are often subject to mistreatment or neglect at the hands of their putative superiors. Instead of being protected by the law, the law disregards a second-class citizen, or it may actually be used to harass them. Systems with de facto second-class citizenry are generally regarded as violating human rights. Typical impediments facing second-class citizens include, but are not limited to, disenfranchisement (a lack or loss of voting rights), limitations on civil or military service (not including conscription in every case), as well as restrictions on language, religion, education, freedom of movement and association, weapons ownership, marriage, gender identity and expression, housing and property ownership.”

All those bolded lines? Things that the queer community has had to, or are still putting up with today.

What does that mean? It means that the United States (not all of them, but you know, a lot of them) are guilty of violating human rights. I’m talking about marriage, but I’m also talking about basic protection against discrimination, which happens on a daily basis in the housing market, in medical facilities, employment, blood donation, adoption, and hate crimes. Without the laws in place to protect queer citizens, there will always, ALWAYS be people who will discriminate, and take advantage of their power.

This brings me back to the beginning. All of these are connected, no matter how much we try to blind ourselves from seeing the truth. Marriage equality in and of itself is a goal, but it also signifies the greater equivalence of humanity.

To do something, please sign this petition by EqualityMichigan. If you want to have a conversation and talk about anything I’ve mentioned, please e-mail me.

I made my audio recording shit

Posted on by Holden Madagame

I skipped German class today.

I KNOW, I KNOW you don’t have to tell me that’s not what good kids do, but that’s what happened. Instead though, I took a very necessary trip to Ikea for this guy: a cloth drawer.

IMG_4343 That probably sounds insane, coupled with the fact that I spent 30-minutes looking at seat cushions and metal hangers to go with my cloth drawer, but it was all worth it. Today, I built myself a portable recording booth. Not only was this easy and inexpensive, but this has improved the quality of my voice over recordings enough for me to be somewhat in the middle-weight leagues of voice over work. The foam from the seat cushions has dampened the sound around my microphone, and the wire hanger I used to attach to the pop filter which I also made from scratch using an embroidery hoop and some nylons.

I’m not the type of person to build things, and I usually avoid it at all costs, but there’s something intensely satisfying about the fact that I saved hundreds of dollars by taking a few hours of my day. It’s not ideal, and it’s not forever, but I’m really happy with the results. So happy, that I’m going to impart my secrets to you:

POP FILTER
Ingredients:

  • Nylons
  • Embroidery hoop (any material)
  • Metal hanger
  • Scissors

To make the pop filter, the main thing you need to focus on is getting the right size embroidery hoop. For me, this actually took way longer than it should have, because in Germany you can’t just stop by a Target/Walmart/[insert major chain supermarket here]. This required me to go to about 5 different discount shops to find what I needed, and then it was still €6. Still worth it though since most pop filters would have run me €20 normally. Plus, I have the added benefit that if the screen ever needs replacing, I just need to sacrifice a pair of nylons.

PORTABLE RECORDING BOOTH
Ingredients:

  • Cloth drawer/Box
  • Foam material
  • Scissors/Sharp knife

    • Unlike the pop filter, the recording booth you actually can do in a variety of ways. I used a cloth drawer from Ikea, because it was cheap, and I like the idea of having the cloth material as an added dampener for sound. Some people use plastic or cardboard boxes, but I didn’t have thick enough foam to make up for the possible echoing creating from the plastic.

    IMG_4346 The form material was definitely the hardest to find. In the States, I would have dropped by a big super market and grab some eggcrate mattress toppers for a few bucks. Here bedding is expensive, I’m never really sure where to go to buy it, and they like to use natural materials because Germany is so eco-conscious. Good job guys, but that makes my search for weird-ass materials really difficult, so give me a break. That’s why I resorted to seat cushions, which I ripped the cover off with a knife and literally just stuck it inside the Ikea drawer. And it magically stayed. If I wanted to, I could glue the foam to the drawer, but I very much like the idea of being able to take out the foam and fold up my drawer when I move, so for now it stays. Plus, if I ever find the kind of acoustic insulation foam I need, then I can upgrade my little recording booth! Somehow this feels more exciting then getting a new charm for my Motorola Razr back in 2004.

    Since making this handy little guy, I’ve been able to test it out in various environments, and it turns out that this was a very wise investment. Even in very live rooms, I’m able to make quality recordings. It might take a bit more editing at the end, but 10 more minutes editing is worth the effort.

It’s Really Easy To Have Gender Neutral Bathrooms

Posted on by Holden Madagame

On a day to day basis, it’s sort of a fact of life that there are Men’s bathrooms and Women’s bathrooms. This doesn’t bother the majority of people, because most people are OK with seeing themselves as a gender, and having the biological sex that corresponds to that gender, and then walking into a bathroom that corresponds to both of those at the same time. Unfortunately, there are millions of people in the world for which this is not the case. Sometimes your genitals don’t match the gender that you see yourself as. There is no place more terrifying than a bathroom for this reason.

IMG_4253It boggles my mind sometimes if I think about how the world could be in regards to bathrooms. At my university, the queer center had gender neutral bathrooms next door. There were two stalls, and any person of any gender could use those stalls. Here in Berlin I recently came upon two great examples of gender neutral bathrooms, where the Male and Female symbols were replaced by figures of no particular gender who were standing up and sitting down. IMG_4254One of them was at The Schwules Museum, and the other at K-Fetisch. This is perfect, because then you just go to the place the corresponds to how you want to go to the bathroom.

Another easy solution is having “Family” bathrooms. You know, the kind that have an area for diaper changing, and one toilet. Or if you go to a small coffee shop for example, there will probably just be one bathroom labeled “Bathroom” or “WC” or whatever you want to call it. Then you don’t even have to think about gender.

WAIT. DID YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?

“Then you don’t even have to think about gender.”

Ultimately, in my dream world, there would be no more gender. You would wake up in the morning, and be [insert name here], and you could go along your day, use whatever bathroom you wanted, go to your job, fall in love, fall out of love, eat some cereal, watch Adventure Time, and gender would have nothing to do with it.

If there were un-gendered bathrooms, there would be way less wait for the toilet at intermissions, breaks in class, etc. If I need to fill up my water bottle and there’s a line for the women’s toilet, what should stop me from filling up my water bottle in the men’s bathroom? Literally nothing. It’s just a place to fill my water bottle. You might be thinking, “Heidi, it’s never going to be like that. People have been using labeled bathrooms for centuries.” OK, sure, but remember when the bathroom was ultimately just a place to shit?

Just saying.

Ways To Get Peanut Butter Into Your Stomach

Posted on by Holden Madagame

My mother is coming in exactly one week. She’s bringing various warm clothes, things I’ve shipped to myself via Amazon, and most importantly, a suitcase full of peanut butter. I know, you’re jealous. I will be drowning in a sea of oily, peanutty goodness, slathering it across everything with as big an implement as I can find in my flat.

PeanutButter

“What’s the hype?” you may ask. “Peanut butter is gross, and you’re acting very American.” I’ve heard this a few times from those who have only encountered European style peanut butter, or whatever the hell Biscoff is. It’s not peanut butter guys, don’t be fooled. Maybe it’s something you had to grow up with, like Marmite or Vegemite. I can deal with that, but let me convince you, and I promise that no food item will ever be taboo. In fact, maybe you just need me to explain how to use peanut butter. Maybe you’ve just never really known! Oh, you poor dear.

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Simple PB Combinations

  • Bread: Duh.
  • Toast: Subtly different from just bread, because while warm, the toast melts the peanut butter slightly, allowing it to seep into the bread.
  • Apples: If you haven’t done this go buy some goddamn apples right the fuck now.
  • Bananas: This also works in smoothie form.
  • Oreos: I dunno about you, but I learned this from ‘The Parent Trap’ with Lindsay Lohan.
  • Carrots: Sounds weird, but it’s like magic, and really good for you.
  • Celery: Ants on a log anyone?!
  • Honey: Anything you can use peanut butter for, honey probably has a place.

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So now that you’ve got the basics, and you’ve had a chance to practice, then we can move onto advanced applications of peanut butter.

Simple Recipes with PB

  • Grilled PB Sandwich: Apply the warm toast rule, but add butter, and put in a goddamn pan. This can be combined with apples, bananas, or jam. Elvis used to do this, apparently. You’re welcome.
  • PB & Onion Sandwich: NO DON’T LEAVE STAY WITH ME. OK, listen. I know it sounds crazy, but peanut butter and onion sandwiches are totally delicious. Just sauté the onions in a pan, and put on bread with the peanut butter. The nuttiness of the PB cancels out any acridness from the onions, and you’re left with a pleasant sweetness I SWEAR TO ZEUS. Try it.
  • Curry: Peanut butter coconut curry is one of my favorite things to make. When you add curry (or sriracha), some of the spiciness is turned into sweetness by the nuttiness of the peanut butter (like the onions).
  • Any noodle dish with peanut sauce: This is just how you make it, guys. Is this a surprise?

Sweet Things With PB

You should have been following along with every recipe so far, but maybe you just don’t have peanut butter in your house. Here’s a 5lb pail of peanut butter you can order on the internet. Technology is wonderful. If you’re still missing peanut butter, and you happen to have a fancy food processor, just make your own fucking peanut butter, just like at Whole Foods/The People’s Food Co-op.

Now run along and develop your little peanut butter habit! Make me proud!

NaNoWriMo Survival + Lessons Learned

Posted on by Holden Madagame

2013-Winner-Facebook-Profile

Hey kids.

So I wrote a novel during November. I finished with 50,080 words, which means I won! Woo!

That said, it was not easy. In fact, I think it was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to discipline myself to do, especially the times when my word count was below what it should have been. Sometimes life catches up with you. Sometimes you have a friend visiting from out of town. Sometimes you have to go work at a job and make money so you can buy coffee to keep up your writing habit. You know.

I learned a lot about myself, and about writing through NaNoWriMo, and I want to share with you my mental and physical tips for keeping your spirits up when your word count is down:

  • Have lots of apples lying around the house. If you run out of apples, stop writing immediately and go get apples by any means necessary.
  • Always buy coffee beans before you run out, otherwise you’ll probably die. No, I don’t mean fall asleep, I mean literally die. (No I don’t).
  • Don’t ever feel bad about staying in and writing. Think of it as a free pass for you-time.
  • Reward yourself for getting to a certain word count. I use the incentive of playing video games or watching anime. If you’re not a 14-year old boy at heart, perhaps reward yourself with a book, or a movie, or an album that you can write even more words to.
  • Speaking of music, have a giant playlist that you can put on shuffle, and that you never get tired of. Alternatively, make lots of playlists for different moods. Also, making a playlist that goes along with the pace of your novel can keep you motivated, and at the end of your novel, you’ll have a kickass soundtrack.
  • Talk about how your novel is going with friends, and be honest. If it’s not going well, let them know. They might have useful advice. Funny that!

Figuring little tricks made writing every day a lot easier, but the reality was that I had to figure out something much more critical about myself to finish. I needed to realize that I had the capability to do it, and find a way to do it. No one else could tell me how to do this, because every writer is so different. I talked to some people who would write 10,000 words in a day, and would get down on myself for only writing 2,000 in a day.

Did you just hear me? I was fucking down on myself for ONLY writing 2,000 mother-fucking words in a day. The idea is absolutely laughable, because at the heart of it all, I was producing a prolific amount of words, and on a consistent basis. Even if I hadn’t met my 50,000 word goal, I had found a way to force my brain and body to write, even when I didn’t want to.

I guess that sounds a bit like torture, but I felt more like a monk training in kung fu on top of a mountain-top monastery.

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One thing I wasn’t prepared for though, was the NaNoWriMo Hangover. Nobody told me I wouldn’t know what to do AFTER I was done. The whole point was just to make it happen, and then HEY I WROTE A NOVEL. Afterward though, I ended up immediately formatting it to have people read, and then literally having nothing else to do. I didn’t want to start writing right away, because I still had cramps in my fingers from the day before, but I had the itch to keep writing. Instead of satiating that though, I played video games, and then got sick. I suddenly had no purpose in my life except to exist in a world where my novel was finished, and maybe drink some more coffee, because I had developed a healthy caffeine addiction during the month of November.

Then I realized I still had the itch. It wouldn’t go away. I still would carry around my notebook, regardless of if I actually wrote in it. I had a little more time to read now, but I still wanted to write.

HOW COULD I POSSIBLY WANT TO WRITE AFTER WRITING SO MUCH? you ask. I literally have no idea.

I think, perhaps, that this is ultimately what I was supposed to learn from NaNoWriMo though: a writing habit. After writing SO MUCH, it had become hard NOT to write.

And that’s where I’m at. Catch you later.

So, I’m gonna write a novel(?!)

Posted on by Holden Madagame

2013-Participant-Facebook-Cover Have you ever heard of NaNoWriMo? It’s a writing marathon where millions of people individually write a minimum 50,000-word novel during only the month of November.

I’ve had a few friends who have done it religiously, and one friend in particular who I distinctly remember being probably the only person my high school to have done it so whole-heartedly. Predictably, she did her degree in creative writing. Also predictably, she’s way cooler than I am.

Anyway, because of this image I built up about NaNoWriMo, I have found that every year, I mentally realize that NaNoWriMo is going on, but choose not to participate for absolutely paralyzing fear that I will not hit the 50,000 word mark. It’s a healthy fear, because…that’s a lot of words.

I did the math, and that calculates to about 1,667 words a day. Of course, realistically, that just doesn’t happen. Averages are created by the culmination of various numbers, and never by a pure constant. What does this mean? It means that some days I will write 4,000 words, and some days I will write none. It means that at the beginning of the month I will probably be writing non-stop, and then I will hate myself and my novel and then I will give up for a few days, and then freak out because my pride won’t let me not TRY for the 50,000 word mark, so then I’ll binge write another few thousand words until my internal word count is satisfied.

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Still though, each year, I find myself longing to participate, and have the abundance of community that NaNoWriMo participants seem to create with each other. I want the excuse to hibernate, drink a lot of coffee, and obsess over plot points and characters in my own universe. I want to listen to video game soundtracks all day, and carry around my little Moleskin of random thoughts that I write while I’m on the subway, and absentmindedly sketch my character’s faces into my napkin at a restaurant.

I want the permission to say, “Sorry, I can’t, I have to write.”

Or to say, “I’m writing a novel.”

Or even better, “I am a writer.”

Even writing those phrases gave me chills. I’m both terrified and liberated. Up to this point, I have never written a novel. I write short fiction pretty regularly, occasional poetry, and of course blog posts, but the thought of spreading my ideas out with no restrictions is daunting.

Luckily, I have a lot of good friends, all of whom are very wise and give very good advice. Here are a few prize words from my friends on the idea of “failing NaNoWriMo”:

  • “Then you have a partly finished novel, and you can tell everyone you’re writing a novel!”
  • “Journey not destination?”
  • “Turn off the internal editor and just keep going. You can pretty it up later. It’s really hard to do that but that’s what you need to do.”
  • “Heidi – I don’t really have much to add but just do it. As the old adage, says, write drunk edit sober. Just get something on paper without worrying about how good it is, and see where that takes you.”
  • “Luckily, for NaNoWriMo, quality explicitly doesn’t matter. You just write it. If you still like it, make it good after. If you don’t, reflect on what you did like and then start again.”

Unfortunately, this probably means that I’m going to neglect doing blog posts, or they’ll be HELLA SHORT in the month of November. If you want to follow my progress, or if you’re doing NaNoWriMo too, feel free to add me on the website! Also, if you want to read anything I’ve written, just shoot me an e-mail and I’ll send you something!

That One Time I Went To A Feminist Porn Event

Posted on by Holden Madagame

There are many splendors that Berlin has thus offered me in my short time here already: excellent coffee, compassionate friends, helpful strangers, bike lanes, an efficient subway system, and now a feminist porn movie awards event.

The various criteria needed to be included in the award ceremony was pretty enormous. Here were the criteria:

  • A sex-positive attitude, no de-humanising or misogynistic portrayals
  • Roles in collusion with those involved/no crossing of personal borders
  • Ethical work conditions/safe sex is encouraged
  • Those involved will be shown in relation to one another – eye, skin, hand, and body contact, energy exchange
  • Emotions and declarations of love are encouraged, doable, and showable
  • Diverse camera settings, light and shadow games
  • Variations of sexual practices in joyful transitions, not an achievement test, broadening of the stereotypically portrayed spectrum
  • A variety of body types, ages, genders, sexual orientations and ethnic backgrounds
  • Authentic sound recordings or music
  • No gender-stereotypical amplified dubbing of moaning
  • Portrayal of lust and pleasure, focus on female lust and its diversity
  • No schematic portrayals of the “sexual curve” – that is to say no straight zoom in on the male ejaculation, no emphasis of the male cum shot
  • Orgasms are not the only goal
  • Women are significantly involved in the production of the film as producers, directors, or camerawomen

Is that a lot? Yes. Is it impossible? Absolutely not. Just reading the list of criteria alone was enough to get you thinking about the flaws in mainstream porn, and how much more interesting, sexy, and inclusive it could be with more of these criteria applied. Granted, having LITERALLY ALL of these criteria would be a bit overwhelming, and a different kind of Feminist Porn.

One of my favorite short films that was shown was by Emilie Jouvet, and is available with some of her other films on her website. I’ll post it here though, and hopefully I don’t have to tell you this is NSFW, ja?

Although the premise is a bit absurd to most people, I think it gets the message across very clearly: you can be both safe and sexy. I don’t think I’m the only one who thought that the film was incredibly sexy, which absolutely proves that you don’t need to give into societal pressure regarding safe sex. If you haven’t talked with a partner about getting tested, it’s always better to be safe. But I digress. The point is that this film not only sends a very positive message, but has good music, good cinematography, and a variety of body types and ethnic backgrounds, on top of being sexy as hell.

It’s difficult to articulate, but I am of the strong opinion that when porn changes, society changes just a little bit. Most people watch porn, whether a little or a lot, and are berated with the same, unrealistic expectations: huge cock, deep-throating forever, lots of moaning, always orgasming, lots of make-up and squirting, etc. Along with the unrealistic sexual expectations come harmful stereotypes of porn as well, such as a complete disregard for safe sex. Yes, part of it is fantasy, and condoms/dental dams/etc. aren’t usually part of the fantasy, but showing people that it’s not only OK, but fucking awesome to put on a condom with your mouth is important.

If you’re interested in reading up more about feminist porn, here are a bunch of links to get you started:

Don’t let the conversation stop there though! Shoot me an e-mail and let’s chat about feminist porn!

Edit:

The internet is wonderful, and literally the day I posted this, I found this video.

Why I Listen To Classical Music

Posted on by Holden Madagame

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I forget often that I love classical music. It’s a funny thing to forget, because I’m a classical musician. At times, I’ll go for months not singing, barely listening to classical music. Lately I’ve been really into various sub-genres of metal, with the aid of The Metal Archives. Stuff your mother didn’t let you listen to in middle school because she thought that they would turn you into a devil-worshipping goth kid, which in turn would cause your grades to slide and then you wouldn’t get a full ride to her alma mater. I also have really been into video game soundtracks. The kind of stuff that you (you know who you are) blast into your ears, and it breaks your heart and tears it into two pieces of your childhood nostalgia, but you pretend to be listening to some hardcore techno music when you’re standing next to someone at the crosswalk.

None of that really means anything to you, but to me, it’s just another aspect of music that I love. I can’t separate it from classical music most of the time, and I consume it with just as much soul.

That is, until I go to a live classical performance.

There is literally nothing that makes me cry so immediately, and so unexpectedly. I’m the type of person who has a hard time crying when they’re supposed to. Funerals? Documentaries? Probably not gonna lay the tears down. Opera though, that shit will have me balling like your favorite aunt’s baby cousin.

Not to say that I’m an apathetic person, because if you know me at all, you know that enthusiasm is my middle name. What I mean is that it gives me permission to feel.

Let me try to explain.

When I listen to music, sometimes I’ll have a flash of a memory. Sometimes it’s clear, and I can verbally articulate the exact memory, almost as if I was reading a diary entry with a date and time stamp in the corner. Other times (most of the times) it’s more like a dream. The actual memory is stripped away, and leaves remnants: color, smell, taste, touch. The memory becomes more than a factual retelling, it becomes a fleshed out, time-traveling experience. Sometimes it’s a line of a song. Sometimes it’s a simple chord change. Maybe it’s just a single note. That sensory experience associated with the memory is like living with music touching every pore of my skin, and filling every atom of my organism.

I have nothing left of myself but to feel, and music gives me the tools to experience life and emotions without any restrictions or excuses. Like a best friend or lover, Music says, “It’s OK. Just let it out. It’s OK.”

The Intermezzo from Cavalleria Rusticana is perpetually associated with the scene from Rurouni Kenshin right at the beginning of the Kyoto Arc when the fireflies are lighting up the river in a tearful farewell. Although it could be childish nostalgia, this song also reminds me of everything I felt as a 13-year-old growing up in Northern Michigan, with few things to distract me in a small town. I have a reverence for this song, and it never fails to see me through.

The Brahms Requiem (Ein Deutsches Requiem), although I can’t recall a specific memory, I associate with rolling hills and trees while riding a train somewhere in Europe. The roof of the train is red, and it’s warm enough to poke my head out. The smell of fresh, unaltered grass is soothing, and mixes with the fresh air, and soft strings, to lull me to sleep. The music is slow, but the train makes the landscape speed by me, as if to tell me, “You may think things are slow right now, but your ride will be over very soon.”

How every individual person experiences music is different. I believe that unequivocally.  I  became a musician with in home guitar lessons and now I compose my music very easily. No person’s experience of music–or life, for that matter–is the same. This might sound like gibberish to you. That’s fine.

Maybe though, you feel the same way I do about classical music. It’s not something you can just go shouting off the top of the Berlin radio tower, so you keep it inside, bit by bit. It’s normal, easier, and is exactly what we do with emotions in modern society. If you say how you’re really feeling, you’re deemed as crazy, high-maintenance , or high-strung. Well, I think that’s wrong. It’s OK for you to cry, and it’s OK for you to feel whatever you want, because you’re a human being, and capable of so much love, hate, sadness, and everything in between.

This is what I love about classical music. It doesn’t try to be cool. It’s simply human.

The U-Bahn/How I learned to stop being so Type-A

Posted on by Holden Madagame

I’ve only been in Berlin for 2 weeks, but it feels like I’m getting a surprisingly hefty grasp on the city. Maybe it’s the amount of coffee I’ve been drinking. Maybe it’s the energy and flow of the city. I don’t know, but I can navigate without a map now depending on the district, which is pretty cool.

Despite this though, there are times when you HAVE to take the U-Bahn. Let me explain.

So, my travel plans are Berlin are contingent on two things:

  1. Is it within a 15-minute bike ride
  2. How much does it cost?

berlin

I think those are very good, albeit arbitrary, obstacles to place before myself when making plans. As I’ve mentioned in my previous post about biking in Berlin, it’s easy to get around by bike, BUT there are times when you have.to.take.the U-Bahn. And you dread it. You say, “Maybe a 45-minute bike ride will do me good?” Yes, it probably would, but coupled with the fact that you already biked for 45-minutes today, and that you will eventually have to run into a Berlin winter, the U-Bahn starts to look pretty damn good.

Something you should know, is that the Berlin metro system is slightly messed up. Although you can buy a pass, there is no turnstile to pass  through, or guard at the door of the train. This amazed me at first, as back where I live even my office has got turnstiles from daosafeturnstile installed to ensure complete security. The system is that you buy a ticket, and then you occasionally get checked for whether you have a ticket or not. If you don’t, you get a stern talking to and a fine. Yes, that’s scary, but it’s also confusing, because I never know whether to buy a ticket or not. The consensus seems to be that you don’t have to buy a ticket after 10pm, because there are no officials working/if they were they wouldn’t be checking your drunk-ass train pass. So subsequently, I have let myself be a bit of a bad citizen and just not pay for the U-Bahn. This goes against my relatively Type-A personality, but I’m deciding to just call myself “resourceful” instead.

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I have wondered multiple times in the past few weeks about how this system actually can work. The truth of the matter is though, that most people will buy a ticket. If they don’t, that means they will get fined. That means they will be scared into buying a monthly/yearly pass for the S+U Bahn. So in the end, the city still gets its money, right?

Despite my griping, the metro system here is really fantastic. It’s clean. It’s efficient. It’s timely. It deserves its money, when I want to pay it.