I’ve compiled a handful of questions that everyone is thinking, or that I’ve been asked. Some of them are appropriate, and some of them aren’t. I’d like to just leave this here so in case you have one of these questions, you’ll never have to ask me about it! I’ll be updating this guide as I receive more questions that have easy short answers like these.
You’re welcome.
Questions not to ask but I’ll answer anyway:
- Do you have a penis or a vagina?
- A vagina, but for the
record there are more variations of genitalia than you think.
- A vagina, but for the
- How do you have sex?
- Kind of like anyone should have sex. Sometimes with genitals, sometimes with hands, sometimes with mouths, sometimes with toys, sometimes with a telekinetic queer wavelength from the implant put into my brain during my time at a liberal university. The usual.
- Have you had all the surgeries?
- “All” the surgeries doesn’t make any sense really, because a trans person doesn’t require any surgeries let alone “all,” but of the most common ones for trans men this includes top-surgery, bottom-surgery, and a hysterectomy. I have only had top-surgery.
- When will you get bottom surgery?
- Definitely not ever.
- What about a hysterectomy?
- Yes I will get that at some point.
- Can you have kids? Do you want kids?
- Physically I’m capable of having children, because I still have ovaries and a uterus. That’s why I would want a hysterectomy, because I don’t want kids. Lots of trans* people can have children though.
- What about adopting?
- I don’t want kids, thanks.
- Do you miss your boobs?
- No I don’t. There are enough boobs in the world, I don’t need my own.
- Are you afraid you’ll regret taking testosterone?
- Not as much as my former Catholic Virgo brain makes me regret any action or words that were not perfect. Hahahahahahahahaha.
- No, I’m not afraid of having regrets about anything really, because life is way too short.
- Has your personality changed since taking testosterone?
- I’ve become a happier, more satisfied, and more self-aware individual, but if you mean to ask if I get roid rage, then no.
Easy Questions that are only slightly uncomfortable:
- Do you have to take testosterone forever?
Yes I do. Unless at some point I don’t want to, then I can stop.
- How often do you take it?
- I take it about once every 2.5 weeks.
- Would you ever stop?
- Probably not, unless I needed to temporarily for a medical reason.
- How do you take testosterone? Is there a pill?
- I use injections because it’s less frequent and also cheaper. Here’s a guide to injecting safely. Using gels is also very popular, but that doesn’t appeal to me. Taking testosterone pills has been deemed as potentially harmful to your liver.
- What are the changes from testosterone?
- There are a lot of changes which I won’t go into detail only because there’s a great list of changes and with some more FAQs about testosterone.
- How much does testosterone cost?
- In Germany, a package of 10 shots costs me about 70€. This is ridiculously cheap compared to some parts of the world.
- How much does top-surgery cost?
- This depends, but mine was around 7000€.
- What was your voice type before?
- I was a mezzo-soprano.
Are you a trans* person and have more questions that you don’t want to answer in your daily life? Send me a message and we can add it to the list!
Also, if you liked this, maybe you might want to chuck me a couple of [insert currency here] for the time. 🙂 Just go to my Patreon page and become a patron!
I’m glad to have this list. I can refer to it when people ask me, (“Mom”) some of these questions I don’t want them to ask. Not that I’m uncomfortable answering them. I just think they’re inappropriate questions to ask anyone about themselves, their children or anyone! GEEZ!
I love your answer to regrets, “No, I’m not afraid of having regrets about anything really, because life is way too short.”
Your photo gallery brings many smiles to your mom!
Being a transwoman out and public to the world (Google me) I’ve got a few other questions that I’ve been asked and answered (all but one).
Like you “what was your old name” is one I will never answer, except for totally different reasons than you. I find it gives the other person a “handle” to my old life. I tried it a few times to see if my assumptions were correct and 100% of the time what happens is they constantly misgender me. Prior to knowing my old name, they were always right but once they knew my old name I was misgendered constantly.
The other question(s) I find almost humorous all start with “have you thought about….” When I came out to people 1-on-1 it was surprising how many people ask “Have you thought about your family/kids/wife/parents?” or “have you thought about work? what about moving?” I guess people don’t realize I was thinking about this for 50 years while they had been thinking about it for 5 seconds.
The one question that I’m very comfortable answering is “what’s in your pants?” I believe it’s important to answer that and explain that I have had surgery and “turned my outie to an innie” while other transwomen have not. It removes a barrier between us and allows them to be a better ally. It also enables a good teaching moment.
Just wanted to say that I really appreciate your work as a trans activist, because the world needs people who can speak out for those who often can’t. I’ve had friends who’ve transitioned and I know it can be challenging in many ways, but it always helps when more people are willing to tell their stories. I found your website after reading the NYT article on trans opera singers, which really opened my eyes to a new dimension of opera that I had not known about. Good luck with your career in opera and your work as an activist!