It’s a thing. You might be laughing at me right now, but I swear to Zeus, The German Stare is a very real deal. Let me break it down for you. When you’re walking down the streets in Michigan (I will only speak for my own experiences), you sort of keep to yourself. If you see someone you know, sometimes it might take you a second to see that they’re even there, because you are probably in your own head. If you are observing your surroundings, you’re probably not looking too many people in the eyes, because they might think you’re starting, or that you want to bone. Unless you DO want to bone, but that’s a whole other story.
In Berlin (I will still only speak from my own experiences), people will literally stare at you as you are walking down the street. You will be walking down the street, and meet eyes with more or less every other person you come across. At first you think, “Do I look American? Is there something on my face? Do they not approve of my alternative-lifestyle-haircut?” and many other absurdities.
No, you don’t look American. No, there is nothing on your face. And actually, they probably quite like your alternative-haircut.
Germans just happen to really like eye contact. I told this to my mother and she said, “You’re German you know!” Yes, if you know me, you know that I’m all about the eye contact thing. Take that and multiply the effect by like twenty, and you have your typical German.
Another example is every conversation I’ve ever had with my manager at the coffee shop:
Manager: So, uh, Heidi. How was your week?
Me: Oh, it was good! Very productive.
Manager: *nodding and German staring*
Me: Uh, um, I, um, went to the Sparkasse and got an account! And uh, I got my bike fixed because my chain snapped off after my last shift, so I couldn’t go to that coffee event after all because I had to take care of that.
Manager: Oh really? *German stare*
Me: Uh, yeah, um, and then I bought a pair of pants.
This is basically like every conversation I have with him, or the owner. They will be very polite, and ask questions about me, but after I give a full response, I get The Stare. It’s like I can’t ever tell them enough information. It’s like the words coming out of my mouth are perpetually inadequate, and I MUST KEEP TALKING.
To add to the anxiety I have associated with The Stare, I found out recently (or rather a friend brought to my attention) that Germans don’t really use their hands/bodies/arms to gesticulate. My roommate said it’s more common for Germans to put their hands in their lap and just talk. So not only do they stare, but they don’t give you any indication of what they’re saying with non-verbal language, which makes up 93% of human communication.
I’m exaggerating of course. It’s actually sort of refreshing, because I receive a lot of eye-contact when I speak, which is something I really value in a conversation partner. It’s also confusing, because my gaydar gets thrown way off when a beautiful German woman gives me a lot of eye-contact. That’s a topic for another post though. For now read this awesome post from Effing Dykes.